“Can I Bring Back That Loving Feeling?”
How A Lack of Intimacy Leads to Loss of Intimacy
You can easily have more emotional and physical intimacy in your marriage starting today if you understand this: The way your partner most enjoys receiving intimacy is likely very different from the way you prefer to be emotionally close and physically affectionate.
The Bottom Line
Provide the kind of intimacy that your wife prefers and tell her exactly what you like and start giving that to each other instead of trying to give what you want to get. I know you’ve probably heard of the “Golden Rule” (to treat others as you’d like to be treated) but when it comes to intimacy it’s just not a good idea!
The lack (or loss) of intimacy is almost always because you’re not getting what feels like the “right” kind of intimacy for your personal tastes and desires. Let me repeat this, because it’s that important… Just because you don’t feel like you are getting the “right” kind of intimacy, doesn’t mean your wife knows that. She may think you are loving what she offers you!
It’s entirely possible your spouse is missing her preferred styles of intimate connection too. This misunderstanding creates the dissonance that begins to drive a wedge through your intimacy.
The longer you go without this physical and emotional closeness the easier it becomes just to live without it and shut down on each other. You might already been in that place right now. Where you’ve all but given up. But no matter how closed off your partnership has become, I have a high-degree of confidence your woman is dying inside for some affection, appreciation and attention… just like you are.
Jim would love it if Julia sat on his lap and let him put his arms around her and run his hands over that little plush spot on the top of her hips.
Julia would love it if Jim would go with her when she takes the dog out for a walk and hold her hand as they walk.
Jim loves when Julia walks straight up and plants a big kiss on his lips. For Julia, that feels too intense. She’d prefer Jim come from the side, pull her close and kiss her cheek… at least to start.
Julia wants to hear what Jim loves about her. She likes to hear verbal appreciation.
Jim would love to watch Julia serve him dinner wearing that low cut…
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— Susan Bratton An advocate of men’s sexuality as a vehicle for personal growth, Susan Bratton is co-founder and CEO of Personal Life Media, creator of Revive Her Drive, author of numerous books on romance and sensuality and publisher of a half dozen online home study courses that teach men and couples communication skills for enhanced intimacy and advanced sensual mastery techniques.
An innovator and change-maker, Bratton’s ultimate goal is to transform as many marriages as possible so couples have the resources to free themselves from the shame of their desire and meet in beautiful union. Bratton has been profiled in the New York Times and appeared on CNBC among many of her hundreds of public appearances.